choosing connection is a brave act
you have been so hurt, so disappointed and so many times you have been more than others were able to hold
"you contain multitudes" feels like an overused phrase at this point but I care about what it points to - you are or have potential to be so many things at once
but for most of your life, you existed in a family structure, in educational structures, in economic structures, in community structures that really just wanted you to be one thing
to fill a role, to contribute, to deliver, to perform
and most importantly - do so predictably
you also wanted yourself to be defined, to have a role, to be known for something and to be predictable
in a world that did not teach you what true originality is, you had to find some way to meet your need for uniqueness
I mean a need for uniqueness not as an insecure need for validation (although there was a lot of that too) but as a more primary need to commune with the divine
the divine as in a way that each of us carries the energy of life inside and it wants to experience things for itself
there is actually just one of you, in this particular space-time-culture configuration, and there is an inherent uniqueness to that
this uniqueness is also something that your community would benefit from if it were more expressed and felt more free to move around, instead of fitting into roles
and by the way, there is nothing wrong with roles
but you can choose to step into roles because it aligns with your uniqueness, and you can also step into roles because otherwise you won't feel unique enough
there is a difference
I am saying you here, but really I am speaking to myself, not you
I am only speaking to you if this actually feels like a thing you need to hear
"originality (...) means being the origin, acting out of your own center" writes stephen nachmanovitz in his book free play
sometimes, most times really, you need to retreat from society to come into contact with your originality
this goes back to the fact that many people you're surrounded by are just not ready to see the multitudes that you hold, the ways in which you are unpredictable and amazing
if they can't, it's often not because they are mean, but because they probably were not able to find their originality yet
it can be good to get angry about it but remember to also grieve the wider forces that make it so, for both you and them - have forgiveness
as you start thinking about all this, it becomes important to find nourishing solitude where you can surprise yourself and be uninterrupted enough to feel your own centre
but there is the next step - the return to connection
here's where choosing connection is a brave act
when we really start to enjoy ourselves and feel connected to our originality, it may seem as if we don't need other people anymore
finally, freedom! I don't need their validation anymore!
yes, celebrate that, it's a big feat and perhaps one of the most fundamental freedoms you can have in this world
now you have freed yourself from a kind of oppression, but you could also oppress yourself by staying in solitude
"it takes two to know one" said gregory bateson and it made me wonder - to what extent can I really know myself if it's just me knowing myself?
the tricky thing is that being in connection with other people can either hamper my originality or it can unfold it more
it's a 50/50 bet, pretty risky
I don't want to lose my originality again
it is a brave act to step outside back into the world that hurt us and trust that there is something better we could experience in connection
be open to be changed by that which is outside of yourself
by that which can hold a mirror in front of you and let you see details that escaped you so far
be humbled by how amazing you are in other people's eyes!
be moved to tears by how enough you already are!
be surprised how capable others are to hold parts of you that you thought you had to hold by yourself!
and - most importantly - learn to step in and out of connection out of discernment, instead of by default
by going in and then going out you find the shape that you actually are
This post is dedicated to all of my relationships where I have or am experiencing being held in my originality, in a way that is more accepting and loving than I am ready to hold myself. Thank you. You know I am talking to you 🫶
Photo credits go to Pixabay
choosing connection is a brave act