reflections from one month of book writing
on writing in public, asking for help, menstrual cycle and writing in connection
Yes, I am writing a book! It’s a digital collection of stories and reflections from the past 5 years of my investigations into the nature of the feminine. If you’d like to pre-order the book and be my first reader, you can do so here❤️
On July 1st I started writing my very first book - A Little Book Of Feminine Wisdom.
In this post, I am sharing my reflections on the process - some things I am learning, am humbled by, and challenged by.
Writing in community & asking for support
It’s been a very different personal project so far.
Instead of working on it secretly in the privacy of my own head, I decided to join a 30-day book writing challenge with a group of other aspiring writers (hosted by
) and publicly announce the project to my community.When it comes to my creative endeavors, I’ve come to see myself as someone who has lots of ideas and enjoys building things from scratch but tends to get stuck around completing and shipping things.
I also still hold some romantic notions of wanting to be a lone heroine who does everything by herself and overcomes all her blocks by the virtue of sheer willpower.
These beliefs were ripe for being challenged.
Starting this project by investing in community support from day one and opening up for pre-orders a week later was like me saying to myself you don’t need to have it all figured out to involve others in your creative journey.
I have been really touched by the kind of support I received so far, from manuscript feedback to helping me reframe my deeper beliefs about my worth and money.
Writing in connection with my menstrual cycle
The other key difference in this project is that I am creating and working in a way that is aligned with my menstrual cycle.
Learning about my body’s cyclicality has been central to my explorations of the feminine. It just felt like a perfect opportunity to have a creative process based around it for this book.
I believe that the menstrual cycle and its four distinct phases provide a really comprehensive and well-balanced blueprint for any project.
Here’s the rough energy or vibe of each phase as I experience it:
Follicular phase (also: outer masculine, spring) - daily routine, loving discipline
Ovulation phase (also: outer feminine, summer) - peak energy, public engagements
Luteal phase (also: inner masculine, fall) - reflections, improvements, receiving
Menstruation (also: inner feminine, winter) - rest, regeneration, alignment
There is something about working in the frame of a cycle that reminds me of software development sprints I used to work according to for the past 10 years of my life.
This experience is refreshing, with the biggest difference being how much more time I spend on reflection and rest.
Those times when I am not setting goals and allowing ideas, structures, and words to emerge in the in-between moments of life are often most pivotal for the book.
I also believe in its sustainability and ability to deliver the thing-that-actually-wants-to-be-delivered because of how it encourages zooming in and out repeatedly.
Writing in connection
Writing in connection is how my friend Michael and I called a series of calls we set up throughout July to explore how being connected to ourselves and each other would impact our writing flow.
Michael has a cool relational practice that we explored live in a Liminal Conversations earlier this year, which you can listen to, if you’d like.
Bringing relational practice together with my writing practice has proven nourishing for any leftover shame that I had about not being a good enough writer.
It was incredible to see what kind of writing emerged when we were feeling safe and connected - to ourselves, each other, and our shared meaning.
It makes me think about the writer’s block in a new way - less like a personal failure and more related to the wider ecological context in which I am finding myself.
In our last session, I wrote:
Sometimes what you need is connection, not information. Just being witnessed by another in your confusion and feeling like you're allowed to have doubts can unblock something and bring clarity.
Challenges, challenges, dear challenges
Not everything has been easy, of course.
I started the 30-day challenge thinking I could actually complete the first version in a month, but July has just ended and in some sense I feel like I’ve only just begun.
I think I had this slightly feminine-leaning vision that I would just follow the passion I feel for the subject, write when the inspiration strikes, and voilà, the book will appear.
It’s now clear to me that it’s not how it’s going to go.
Writing a book is a pretty great playground for integrating the inner feminine and masculine energies. To learn how to discern when to follow the impulse to create and when to apply healthy structure, discipline, and strategy.
There is not a day where I don’t have a moment of panic hearing the voice in my head who’s asking are you actually going to finish this book?
I also recently had a call with a friend who asked me about the target audience for this book. I noticed slight avoidance in my answers and a resistance to commit to one specific persona.
I feel like for this first month I have been oscillating between two different target audiences - women vs anyone interested in the topic of the feminine.
Some days I want to be inclusive and some days I want to just write for those who know what it’s like to have a uterus that bleeds.
But I know that trying to create something for everyone is likely going to end up being for no one.
This pressure I’m feeling to commit to a vision and follow through on it is more emotionally challenging than I expected.
I also know that making this decision is going to unblock several other decisions, like cover design, the stories I include, and the way I express myself.
One recent win was a poster session where I put words to some of the core facets of the feminine as I have explored them in the past 5 years.
Here again, I am tackling an internal battle between choosing topics that feel most true and embodied in my life and trying to be the most comprehensive in the representation of the feminine.
I now see how in the process of writing and narrowing down the scope of the book, there are some directions that I will need to reject and some paths I will have to leave unexplored.
This month, I might need to do some grieving to move on with conviction.
Finally, the challenges of self-publishing!
I’m currently intentionally unemployed so I can put my attention and energy into this project, but I’m finding out that publishing has significant costs.
Getting an ISBN is a ~$300 endeavor and hiring a book cover artist starts at a similar price tag. This is why pre-orders and friendly donations are extremely meaningful to receive and I have been emotionally challenged in both the act of opening to financial support and receiving it.
This book is challenging me to value my creative projects in a new way and become my very own investor - both spiritually and materially.
What’s next?
Writing, writing, writing.
Also, connecting with women in my life and anyone interested in talking to me about the book or the processes involved in it.
There have been days when I felt like these calls are actually why I am writing this book, to start these conversations.
I am also playing around with ChatGPT and Canva to see if I can design the first version of the book cover myself. After seeing a specimen of a giant clam in the museum in Prague recently, I have been surprisingly drawn to this imagery and how it symbolizes the treasures that are found within.
I would like to end by sharing a letter I wrote to my book recently, prompted by Kelly at the final session of the 30-day book writing challenge.
Dear book,
The way you’ve been transforming me so far has been incredible and so meaningful.
You are showing me places where I have strength and places where I am a work in progress.
You are humbling me and you are also helping me be confident and proud of myself and how I am holding myself and this reality.
I can’t wait to finish you. But I am equally excited to keep on working with you and keep on receiving the wisdom that you have to teach me.
Please help me remember to stay in an active dialogue and communication with you.
I am in service of you and you are in service of me.